This struck me as how many people, perhaps you, react when you lose a job and are faced with transitioning to a new reality.

I know job loss can be difficult. I’ve been there a time or two myself. Job loss brings challenges you would rather not face. It bruises the ego and causes financial stress. It can place strains on personal relationships. In a job loss situation it is always tempting to curse your current circumstances while looking back upon what you have lost and wishing you still had it.

While it is natural to look back and long for your previous job and wish that you had back what was taken away from you, it is rarely healthy for you to do so. Looking back longingly does not help you accept the change and does not help you move through the transition.

Looking back and wishing you were still in that position often skews your memories about that former situation. You begin to forget what you didn’t like about the job, the work, the petty politics, the back stabbing co-worker, the micromanaging boss. Your memories of daydreaming about, wishing for or actively pursuing other positions begin to fade. Your desire to return to your former state corrupts your memories and you excuse those things in favor of the memory of a steady paycheck, regular interaction with your peers, the ability to actually answer the question “So where do you work?” without having to fumble over your answer. Instead of seeing it as a “deliverance” you only see your new circumstances as a burden.

Once you have experienced job loss, for whatever reason, do not look back, do not spend your time wishing you were back in your previous circumstances, and do not disparage the circumstances you find yourself in. Accept the new circumstance as the current state and begin to do what you need to do in order to transition to a new state of circumstances, a new (and better) career.

As you experience the initial change from employment to unemployment the sooner you can accept the loss and put it into perspective the sooner you will be able to begin the transition process. The sooner you begin to work through the transition process the quicker you will enter in to the next phase of your career that will lead to you to new employment.

By accepting the change and coming to terms with it as the end of the old way, you can move forward to the transition process. During the transition process you can continue to heal from the loss, gain some perspective on your situation, plan for your job search, accept your new circumstances, and move forward with your new life.

Let’s break it down:

Show Up: Go to work every day. Day in and day out. Week after week. Month after month. No last minute call offs. No excuses on why today just isn’t a good day to report for work.  Even when you would rather not, show up.

On Time: Show up every day when you are supposed to show up. Not 15 minutes later, not five minutes later. Get to work at the scheduled time, all the time, so you do not negatively impact the flow of business. Do what you must to order your life and activities so that they do not interfere with getting to work on time.

Every Day: Showing up on time most days, or 4 out of 5 or even 9 out of 10 days is not good enough. Consistency (read every day) is the key here, occasionally will not do. This is not horseshoes or hand grenades. Close don’t count. Most don’t count. Every day counts.

Ready for Work: Personal business handled. Rested and ready to meet the tasks for the day. Mind focused on the task at hand not on your love life, your recreations, or your troubles. We all have them and we must learn to put them aside at work. Engage your mind and focus on your job.

Get Along with Others: Show some emotional maturity and use emotional intelligence to handle the annoyances you will encounter. Be cooperative and flexible with the people (and customers) you must deal with not quick to take offense at thoughtless actions and comments. Put aside self centeredness and think in terms of what is good for your team members or employer and not just for you. Believe it or not it is not all about you.

These few basic requirements, along with some basic ability to perform the tasks of the job, are really all it takes to be successful in the workplace.

Employers state that they are willing to invest in people who meet this idea of “dependable”. They will train you for other positions, provide opportunities for advancement, and tend to keep you around if you meet their idea of dependable.

If you are entering the job market from school or trying to re-enter it after a period of unemployment you need to project dependability. You need to sell the hiring manger on your ability to meet these few simple criteria. Hiring managers are looking for it; they want to find it in you. Use your answers in the interview so that they see you as that dependable one they are looking for.

The hard part will be to maintain, with consistancy, being dependable over time. You may talk a good game in the interview about being dependable but then you must be able to deliver on that over time.

Your Network Piggy Bank

When you were a child did you have a “piggy bank”? My guess is that you did or at least some type of bank in which you tried to save some of the money that you parent, grandparents, or tooth fairy gave you.  But why did you save the money? Well, beside answering “My parents made me” you may have decided to save up in order to buy something that was going to cost more money than you had in you hot little hands.

As you dropped the coins into the slot you hear them “clink” against each other and the side of the bank and you dreamed of the special thing you were going to buy … when you had save enough. Week after week, month after month you squirreled away your nickel, dimes and quarters all the while thinking of that object you wanted.

But time passed, you grew impatient, and at some point you lost sight of goal of your saving. You may have stopped saving. The thing you were saving for seemed too distant. It was taking too long. Perhaps some other thing caught your eye and became the focus of you attention, something that you could get NOW with the money you all ready had.

You may have taken the plug out of the bottom and took a little of the cash, you may have turned it upside down and slid a butter knife into the slot while shaking the bank to get some coins to drop out. After all, you thought, “I’ll only take a little of the money” and you wanted what you wanted NOW! 

BUT …taking the money put you behind in your savings goal and now the thing you wanted was even farther away. It would take even more time to get it. You’d have to save more money. You’d have to wait longer to get what you wanted. So, in frustration, you gave up on the idea of saving up for something and just took money from the bank and spent it on anything and everything you wanted.

If you can’t identify with this story because you were the type of kid that was determined and not deterred in saving for the special item, good for you! But keep reading any way. If you were the kid that regularly hit up the piggy bank to go to the movies, or buy some candy, or ice cream, keep reading.

Networking is a lot like saving in a piggy bank. Each time you make a contact, and then maintain the contact, and then nurture that contact by building a relationship with that person and then seek opportunities to be of service to that person, “clink”, you have dropped a coin into your “networking piggy bank”. “Clink”, another network relationship established and you’ve grown wealthier in your network of relationships and you are saving for the future.

Most people are poor “savers” when it comes to networking. Some may underestimate the value of networking because they believe that their education or experience should be enough to get them the job. Others don’t understand how to network or they are not comfortable with it so they end up doing it poorly. Some individuals make the mistake that of thinking that networking is meeting as many people as possible, passing out and collecting business cards as possible and hoping for the best.  Or if they do understand networking, they ask for a return on an “investment” they haven’t made yet by asking for a favor too soon in a relationship or they may try and make withdrawals too often for amount they don’t have on deposit. Then run the risk of ruining the relationship if the other person feels used.

A network, especially your network has to be tended.  You must make regular deposits to it. You have to nurture and grow the relationships in your network. Your goal in networking should be to serve, not to be served and when you have served you have “saved”. You goal with your “networking piggy bank” should be to gather up people, build relationships, and to seek to be of help to people.  For each time you do, your “networking piggy bank” and your resources grow.

If you have followed the analogy this far you will see that there are two benefits of a “network savings bank”. First, you need to seek to be of service to others. It moves you beyond yourself and helps you to grow as an individual. Seeking to serve, rather than be served broadens your perspective on life and individuals. You may begin to understand that helping others brings a certain amount of fulfillment to you.  The second reason for making deposits in your “networking piggy bank” is so that you will have what you need when you have to open the bank and use the resources you have saved … when you need others to be of service to you. We all need a little help at one time or another. This is especially true in times of seeking employment and job search since a high percentage of positions are filled through networking … it is all about who you know.

What to learn more about the ins and outs of networking? Contact Emmett at emmett@baxendell.com

 As a child you may have been sent to your room or made to “sit in the corner” to think about what you did to get you is such a sad position, so usually you were in trouble. While in your room, feeling isolated from all human contact and alone with your thoughts you were supposed to think about what you did, feel sorry for your actions and their consequences, apologize for what you did, make amends for what you did if possible, and promise never to do it again. Or at least that’s what you parents wanted you to do. 

As much as we hated being sent to our rooms it was our earliest training on learning the importance of reflection about ourselves and our actions. These early efforts by the authority figures in our lives to get us to reflect actually laid the foundation and served to teach us the value of pausing to consider, ponder, question, think and reflect all in a critical way about our issues, problems, success, failures, and plans … our lives.

Unfortunately, since this learning was not taking place under pleasant circumstances. So if we participated in the process at all we did it grudgingly, but usually we feigned the response that was expected of us to get out of the circumstances we found ourselves in. This was also an early form of enlightened self interest … so that we could get back to our agenda, whatever we were doing before we were interrupted by this unreasonable demand to “think about what you have done”. Those demands placed upon us may be part of the reason so few people take the time to reflect and think about their lives, actions, and careers as adults. We don’t do it because it’s not easy, not fun, and we don’t see the benefit in doing it.

How does this relate to career development? In any part of life, but especially in career development efforts, critical reflection is an essential part of your development plan. After you draw up your plan and have begun the implementation and have worked the plan for a while you need to pause and take some time to reflect on what you are doing. You need to set aside time periodically and examine your plan, your progress in implementing it, and your overall effectiveness in making it work.

The reason for this critical reflection is not only to check on your progress, to see how far you’ve got, but to also to tweak the plan and make any adjustments needed to enhance your development plan. You need to ask yourself questions like “What’s working?”, “What’s not working?”, “What do I need to do more of?”, “What do I need to do less of?”, “Do I have the resources I need to execute my plan?”, “Who do I need to network with to help further my goal?” “What are the implications if I take this action as opposed to that action?”. By asking these and other critically reflective questions you can sharpen your plan and continue to update your execution strategy. By exercising the disciple of critical reflection you can make your plans better and improve your chances for success.

In order to do this type of deep thinking and to be able to critically reflect upon your current state you need to get way from distractions of the day to day and concentrate, to focus on the task. A friend of mine refers to this as “going to the mountain top”. This simply means that you take the time to get away from the noise and distractions of your daily life so that you can concentrate on the task at hand. This may mean that you need to remove yourself physically from other people and distractions for an extended period of time so that you can be alone with your thoughts and think. If actually removing yourself for periods of time is not possible, it may mean that you purposely set aside time on a daily basis to reflect upon and examine your plans and progress, on what you have done and what you need to do. However you do it is not important. That you do it is imperative!

There is a certain discipline that is needed for this. As a child your parents brought pressure to bear in an attempt to force/ coerce/ make you think about what you had done. Now, as an adult, no one has the authority to pressure you or demand that you reflect on what you have done and how you do it. You have to demand it of yourself. And you do it because you realize it is in your own best interest to do so.

There is no doubt that we live in an age where we expect everything instantly, on demand, and now, and usually get it that way. If a page on our computer loads too slow we get inpatient, if we can’t get some purchase from some distant place to our door in a few days or overnight we get annoyed at the thought of having to wait. Phone conversations, too much bother just text and use abbreviations to save space… and do it quickly. The quicker, the faster, the shorter amount of time it takes us to get what we want … the better. In many instances there is nothing wrong with wanting things now, except that it begins to set up those same expectations in other parts of our lives. I can become really problematical when we carry this demand for urgency in to the area of career development and advancement.

Much has been written about the impatience of Gen X and Gen Y in the workplace. This article is not about the impatience of a particular generation, members of Gen X and Gen Y certainly do not have a monopoly on wanting quick advancement or instant gratification. Rather, this article is about the impatience you may feel when it comes to your career development and your advancement in the workplace.

In my coaching practice I often come into contact with those who are impatient about the progress they are making in their careers. These individuals feel that opportunities to advance just do not come quickly enough, promotions do not happen fast enough, and the job offers for particular positions are few and far between. Living in an on demand society with instant gratification the norm, and having an overinflated view of their own skills and abilities leads them to frustration.

What you must understand is career development and advancement in the workplace is not subject to our “on demand expectations” or the “instant gratification” that we are used to.  Neither should career development be treated as an “impulse buy”, done on the spur of the moment because we think it the right thing to do in order to get what we want, like the stuff kept by the cash register to take advantage of our impulses to see it- want it- buy it- have it … in a matter of seconds.

Career development or advancement takes thought and planning to achieve and time to accomplish. There are no “quick fixes” or “hurry ups”. Careers cannot be made in a microwave.  Development for advancement, which is really preparation for advancement, can’t begin when you see the position you want advertised. You cannot treat it as an afterthought and expect it to be there when you want it. Development, to be effective cannot be treated as an impulse buy. It needs to begin long before that.

How long? Hard to say and no one can really answer that. As long as it takes to gain the skills, knowledge, and experience you need to become a good candidate for the job or the promotion you want. I can’t tell you how long your development will take but I can tell you when it begins. It begins NOW.

Quick results come only to the prepared. Individuals who have the fore thought to grow and develop, to pursue learning and grow their skills will be the ones who see the quickest results. Career Development and the advancement … and rewards that follows come around most quickly to you if you have prepared, pursued, and practiced for them. Need help with creating your career plan and developing a plan for advancement?
Contact: Emmett@nextmovecoaching.com

The truth about the gnosis of success is this … there is no gnosis of success. What individuals need to be successful, to give them the edge, to help them obtain the goal they seek is not a secret. It can be readily learned if they are willing to apply themselves and look for it. It is everywhere. There is a plethora of books, articles, blogs, coaches, and mentors that can all tell you what you need to know in order to be successful at work or in life. The information is out there, it is readily available. The gnosis of success is not hidden, it is not a secret, the knowledge of what it takes to be successful is available to all who seek it and are willing to apply it.

So the first step is to actively seek out that knowledge. You’ll need to read; you’ll need to talk with others about their experiences; you’ll need to attend presentations, lectures and classes. Then you will need to pause and reflect on what you have been exposed to. You will need to look for the learning and how it applies to your particular situation. All that takes time, it takes effort. It does not happen overnight. Part of the secret of success is Preparation.

The second step to success in any endeavor is to Plan. Failure to thoughtfully plot your next steps is a sure way not to succeed. Your planning should begin with the end in mind. Envision what your success will finally look like. Then ask yourself what steps you must take to achieve that success. Be very specific in thinking about and then listing those steps in writing.  Plan not only the steps that need taken but also identify and plan to obtain the resources you will need to successfully implement your plan.

The third and most important step in your success is Execution, the doing. The truth of the matter, and the reason that many people are not successful in obtaining their goals or making their next move, is that they just do not execute. They are not willing to put, as the old saying goes, “their noses to the grind stone and their shoulders to the wheel.” It is not the knowledge, the technique, the phrase, or even the execution of a single particular task that leads individuals to success; it is just plain old fashion hard work that leads to success. Hard work, combined with excellence in the execution of your plan is what will give you the edge you seek. You see, hard work is needed but it must be quality effort that is put forth, that is what makes people successful in accomplishing their goals or obtaining what they set out for.

Everyone is looking for an edge, the inside track, that little extra knowledge or technique that will put them over the top. The truth is the “gnosis of success” is hard work. Your success will only come about when the desire you have is combined with a plan for action and then carried out with an excellence in its execution.

In my practice as a consultant, trainer, and coach I have often had to address the subject of “Diversity”. It has been my experience that, when asked to consult or train on the topic and even in coaching situations, when people talk about “diversity”– the need to appreciate it; the need to value it—they really have no idea what they are asking for.

What invariably comes up are the issues of Racism, Stereotypes, Ethnocentrism and Political Correctness. In my opinion you cannot handle the topic of “diversity” appropriately unless you are going to take a long hard look at all these issues with an open mind.

In discussing, with my clients, their “needs” around diversity what often times becomes clear is this: they are not interested in “diversity”, true diversity, what they want is “political correctness” If that is what they settle on and I cannot move them off that idea I end the relationship with the client. To put it bluntly I don’t do “politically correct” and neither should you.

 If however, the client is willing to explore the elements of diversity and desires to move towards a better understanding of true diversity, I’m willing to work with them on the subject and assist them in the implementation diversity initiatives in their organizations or, in the case of coaching clients, their lives.

When dealing in the realm of diversity whether in large or small businesses or private coaching session with individuals I try to educate them to define their terms to avoid confusion and so that they can gain an appreciation for the depths of the issues.

Defining the Terms

Diversity is, simply put, being different. In the realm of people it is the recognition or acknowledgment that people are different. There should be no value judgment in the term “diversity”. Different is just different, no better, no worse, just different.

Any other definition of diversity, in my opinion, is over reaching.

Racism is defined as, the belief that people of different races have different qualities, traits and abilities that are inherent to the individuals of that race and that some of these races are inherently superior or inferior because of the qualities, traits and abilities.

Racism as used today almost always implies animosity and/or hatred toward other races.

Stereotype is defined as, an overbroad generalization or portrayal of a group of individuals that is usually based on traits, behaviors, attitudes or other observable actions.

This over generalization is usually due to a lack of information, misinformation, mischaracterization or misunderstanding of one or more of the behaviors or traits attributed to the group to which the individuals belong.

Looks, dress, cultural activities, foods, recreational activities, religion all play a roll in the development of stereotypes.

 Ethnocentrism is defined as, the assumption/belief that my/”our” way of thinking and acting is naturally superior to any other.

When we believe that the actions, traditions, culture, or whatever else our ethnic group or “our group”(whatever that group is) practices is superior to another group, we then see ourselves and our culture as the measure of what is right, good and desirable.

Politically Correct being defined as: conforming to a belief that language and practices which could offend someone’s political sensibilities (as in matters of sex, race, or anything else) should be eliminated. (politically correct. (2009). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.)

With the terms out in the open you can begin to have a frank and honest discussion about the issues that you are facing.

What many people mistake for racism is actually stereotyping or ethnocentrism. I’m not saying true racism doesn’t exist, it does. However, what usually comes in to play is not racism. The tenants of racism are provably false and should be rejected by every human being. When it comes to stereotypes and ethnocentrism the issues are more complicated and require a good deal of honesty and discussion to bring them out and clear the air.

Stereotypes have their basis in observation. The behaviors, attitudes, and actions of a person or group of people are observable. The problem that arises is twofold.

First, the observation is run through the perceptions of the individual making the observation which are often colored by their own ethnocentric beliefs. This leads to the filtering of all that observed information through a culture mindset and practices that may not understand what it is observing and lead to faulty conclusions.

The second problem is with the application. Individuals that stereotype other use a broad brush to apply their understanding of an entire group, class, or ethnic band and thereby cover the whole group. Instead of limiting their conclusions to the sampling of the person/group they observed they apply their conclusions to the entire class of individuals they believe belong to that group.

Those who make use of stereotypical thinking and those who decry the use of stereotypical thinking fail to realize that actions, attitudes, and behaviors are often culturally based. It is not always a rejection of the people of a race or an ethnic group in part or as a whole, it is the culture of that group with its norms, values, beliefs, and behaviors that are being rejected. This is not racism it is ethnocentrism.

When ethnocentric thinking is practiced on a marco scale we will tend to think that all cultures are inferior to our culture (beliefs, values, norms, and behaviors). After all if we didn’t think our culture was the best we wouldn’t practice those things …would we? And if our way is the best all other ways are “inferior”, and if those ways are “inferior” then the people that follow those ways are also “inferior” in some way. So those who would decry ethnocentrism on a macro scale, who consider themselves more enlightened, strive to reach the moral high ground by denouncing it and advocate that diversity demands that we appreciate the “differences” and accept all cultures … but wait.

We all tend to practice ethnocentric thinking on a “micro” scale. We all grew up with certain family traditions around vacations, holiday celebrations, birthday, etc. If the “traditions” were good ones, that is if they were enjoyable to us, we tend to keep them and look at other who don’t practice them or won’t adopt them as “unenlightened” and perhaps even a little culturally “poorer” for it.

No one escapes ethnocentric thinking. On some level everyone believes their “culture” is superior in some way to the cultures of other. Doubt me? Consider this.

• How do you view the “diverse” cultures in Africa that excise the clitoris of young girls, the practice of which is carried out in the name of social, cultural, and religious reasons? Do you really see those cultures that practice female genital mutilation on par with yours?
• Do you really believe the Muslim cultures that demand that women be covered from head to toe in order to avoid the sexual temptation of men and that demands those women play a subservient role to men to be just as good as yours?
• Do you consider those cultures that allow, even encourage or accept honor killings of females that have “disgraced” or “dishonored” the family just as acceptable as yours?
• How about the culture that allows 60 year old men to take multiple wives or 14 year olds as brides, are you accepting of that culture?

Aren’t those cultures just as good as yours? Shouldn’t they have equal footing and protection like yours? Odds are that you don’t and if you do you have real issues you need to address … immediately.

The logical conclusion of those who hold that “in diversity we find our strength” and that “our differences should be valued” often fail to consider the seamier side of what their position on diversity demands. Those proponents of diversity, to be consistent, must accept it all, value it all equally, and encourage it all.

My points are simple:

• We all form stereotypical thoughts and we often laugh at stereotypes because many of them are funny. Comedy routines are regularly based on stereotypes about how certain individuals or groups of individuals act or behave. Black, White, Asian, Indian, male, female, teeny boppers, senior citizens, jock, cheerleaders, frat boys, lawyers, the list goes on and on and all are targets for stereotypical thinking.
• Everyone practices ethnocentrism on some level. We all think we are beliefs, customs, and social mores, are superior to another’s, at least on some level. That does not make you evil. That does not make you a racist.
• The appeal for a type of diversity that “accepts” and “appreciates” all cultures is ill conceived and not practiced even by its most ardent proponents. When it is, it will lead to no values, no sense of right or wrong, with everything accepted for the sake of “diversity”. Pray that day never comes.

It is an individual’s values and beliefs that make up their culture. Culture is an indicator of how people will tend to behave or act. Cultural norms help to give individuals identity, are often deeply held, and are not easily given up. Understanding these things can help both individuals and businesses to function effectively in a “multicultural” environment.

What to learn more about true diversity contact Emmett@nextmovecoaching.com

Career Coach: Compass or GPS?

One symbol widely adopted in the coaching community is the compass. It is a fitting representation of the role the coach plays in the development of the client.

The compass is a wonderful tool to use in gaining a sense of what direction to move in and when used properly is very reliable under most circumstances. The same is true of the coach. Through listening, questioning, and sometimes suggesting new ways of looking at things the coach can assist the client to gain or regain a sense of direction for their lives and careers.

The compass in the hands that know how to use it can help you determine bearings and headings. It can point you in the direction you want to go. When you’re lost it is a valuable tool to get you pointed in the right direction and keeps you on course. Again, the same is true of the coach. Once a direction is determined by the client the coach can assist the client in further refining the direction and steps needed to get moving, keep moving, and finally arrive at their desired destination.

A GPS on the other hand is the device of preference these days for the traveler.  Plug in the information, the city, the street, the number and viola! Instant directions! Exact directions! Complete with the visual of a map, voice narration, and instructions on where and when to turn. Hard to get off course with one of these babies but if you do you’ll hear the device say “recalculating route” and soon your put right with visual and audio cues all adjusted to your route. Nice! And when, at long last I come to my destination it tells me I have arrived!

The comparison is stark. The compass, a centuries old mechanical device that was one time considered magical or a 21st century electronic gadget that makes use of satellites, triangulation, and other technology most of us don’t really understand. I know when given the choice I want to take the GPS on the road trips I take. The GPS is exact, precise, calculatingly keeping me on the straight and narrow even if the little voice seems unforgiving at times. The GPS adjusts to my errors in navigation and puts me back on course every time in ways designed to get me to my destination as quickly and directly as possible. It is user friendly and fairly idiot proof.

Sometimes our clients want a GPS for their career development tool. Clients who do not understand the coaching process or the idea of career development come to the coach seeking GPS like services. They desire exact direction, precise step by step instructions on what they should do and how they should go about doing it. As a coach it is sometimes tempting to provide them the direction they seek but that would be of no services to them. The coach must resist the temptation to be directive and instead help the client to discover for themselves what direction and course they should set for themselves.

For career coaching I’ll take the compass every time.
The compass is not as exacting, not as precise.  With the compass there are no precise directions on where to turn and when to turn just the steady pointing of a needle that indicates the direction of magnetic North. Certainly not the accuracy of a GPS but accurate enough to keep you on course once you have an idea of the direction in which you want to go. The route the compass gives is more general. It will allow you to suddenly veer off course if you wish to do so or to slowly drift off course if you choose not to refer to it on your journey, all without correcting you. But still it always maintains the accuracy of the direction you had set for your original course.  The compass is not prescriptive like the GPS; it does not say “do this, then do that, now do this” and tell you that you have arrived at your destination. The function of the career coach is to be more like a compass than a GPS.
Coaching, when at its best, is or at least should be more like the compass than the GPS. Your coach should work to help you discover the general direction of your destination but you need to determine where that destination lay and how best to get there. Certainly it is the function of the coach to help you discover the destination you desire but the choice of destinations is yours. No coach or assessment tool can be the final arbiter of the direction in which you should move in your career. There should not be the prescriptive “do this and then do that” coming from the coach on which you peg the hopes of your career. The coach is there to point the way, keep you on course, help you develop a plan and a direction, and provide a measure of accountability not to give you turn by turn instructions on your career. Why? Two reasons really.

First, you are an individual, immensely complicated, and unique. Like every other individual you should not be prescribed to a career direction, you should be assisted to discover it. There is no such thing as “one size fits all” in career development. There can be no prescriptive method that works for every person, every time, which will deliver them to their career destination.

Second, and more importantly, it is your responsibility to figure it out. It is your life, your career, your happiness and fulfillment at stake. By putting forth the effort to determine your destination, to plan the route, to make the journey, to make the adjustments along the way and then to finally decide if and when you have arrived at the destination you planned you take control of your career and your life. Chances are you’ll be more satisfied with the outcome.

Many times clients, acting out of frustration, will say “Just tell me what I need to do to …. get the promotion … get the job I want … get ahead on the job …” They want GPS like direction for their careers or lives. They want turn by turn instructions on how to get them to their destination. They want “to arrive” in the shortest time possible, over the shortest distance possible, with as little planning as possible. And while, as a coach, it is tempting just to tell them what they need to know to relieve their anguish that is not the role or function of the coach.

The coach, like the compass, is a tool for you to use in your career development. The coach can point you in the right direction and keep you on course if you choose to use him/her for the purpose they were intended and in the way they were designed to be used. The journey however is up to you. It falls to you to determine, to plan, to conduct, and to finally it bring to fruition. And when you have “arrived” at your destination the coach will be there waiting and pointing to the possibilities that await you beyond the place where you have “arrived”.

Fairy Godmother or Fearless Leader

I have always liked using physical objects to illustrate my points. So in the photo attached to this article you will no doubt be able to recognize these two characters.  They come from the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. If you’re too young to remember you’ll need to do a little research on the ‘net or better yet get the collections of the show on DVD and watch them. The “fairy” or “Fairy Godmother” is from the Fractured Fairy Tales portion of the show. The rather stern looking chap is “Fearless Leader” the hardnosed boss of the villains Boris Badanov and Natasha Fatale who were constantly seeking to cause trouble for our heroes “moose and squirrel”.

I’ve spent time in the management ranks and have experienced the “thrill of victory and the agony of defeat” that all managers have when dealing with staff. After many conversations with staff, experimentation on keeping staff “engaged” (read happy), and much reflection on all those experiences and interactions I’ve come to the considered opinion that your staff will see you in either one of two ways. You will either be seen as the kindly and benevolent “fairy godmother” type or you will be seen as the dictatorial, unreasonable “Fearless Leader” type.

Consider this. If you are good and kindly, not holding them accountable for high standards; granting them passes on regularly coming in late or leaving early; if you overlook their screw-ups and only give positive reinforcement or lavish praise on them for the smallest things done right; if you are seen as their “friend” and not eyed by them as an obstacle you become the “granter of wishes” i.e. their “fairy godmother”. You will be a harmless benevolent being whose purpose it is to serve them by granting their wishes—the desires of their hearts… in this case an easy set of circumstances at work that bends to their wished and desires.

 However, if you are business like, have high expectations of them and hold them to those expectations; if you ask them why they are late or question too closely their desire to leave early yet again; if you hold them accountable for their performance or lack thereof; if the feedback you give is not all positive and you hurt their feelings or offend their sensitivities; if you fail to notice and recognize even their smallest accomplishments and praise them lavishly for it; if you are “the boss” and not their friend; if you dole out punishment as a consequence of their actions;  if you are in some way an obstacle to their happiness—you are the unappreciative and mean, nasty, and oppressive S.O.B.—you are “Fearless Leader”.

Oh, your staff may not readily admit to their view of you but you can bet that these views are harbored by most anyone with a boss. It does not speak ill of your staff it speaks to human nature. We all tend to think in kinder terms of those who let us have our way and less so of those who stand between us and what we want.

But you may say “Isn’t that a rather simplistic if not jaded view of how employees see their supervisors and managers?”.  Or you may say “That way of thinking smacks of the old X and Y Theory of management”. You may be right … but that doesn’t make my observation wrong.

 In this day and age where employers chase “Best Places to Work Awards”; implement 360 degree evaluations as a “best practice”; conduct pulse surveys to see what their employees are thinking about a topic on a given moment; where Human Resource departments are concerned about creating workplace cultures that are “inclusive” and “employee friendly”, and fret over their ability to recruit the “right talent” and keep them “engaged” so they  don ‘t pick up their marbles and leave managers are increasing being nudged into the “fairy godmother” role.  This is especially true for managers that must deal with the later Gen X and Gen Y employees or where employees have developed a sense of entitlement and lack a realistic view of how the workplace functions.

You must be able to manage in the way your company wants you to manage. But in reality you cannot be all things to all people … so don’t even try. Just know that their perceptions of you will change as you either grant or deny their “wishes”.  As a manager in the types of organizations cited above you will be pressured to conform. You must be true to yourself. Take stock of your strengths and weaknesses as a manager. Be aware of your flaws; find ways to either overcome them or compensate for them. You should seek to build the skills and competencies it takes to mange effectively. But remember just as you need to seek ways to communicate, inspire, and manage each individual employee on your staff and move them toward top performance, just as you must adjust to them, your employees will have to adjust to you. The smart ones know that.

In your management career you will be a mix of both “Fairy Godmother” and “Fearless Leader”. Sometimes you will be both at the same time. But those views are just a matter of perception. Manage those perceptions to your benefit. Be yourself, always look towards improving your management skills, and take on both the Fairy Godmother and Fearless Leader roles as you need to. You can use them both to your advantage.