Your Network Piggy Bank

When you were a child did you have a “piggy bank”? My guess is that you did or at least some type of bank in which you tried to save some of the money that you parent, grandparents, or tooth fairy gave you.  But why did you save the money? Well, beside answering “My parents made me” you may have decided to save up in order to buy something that was going to cost more money than you had in you hot little hands.

As you dropped the coins into the slot you hear them “clink” against each other and the side of the bank and you dreamed of the special thing you were going to buy … when you had save enough. Week after week, month after month you squirreled away your nickel, dimes and quarters all the while thinking of that object you wanted.

But time passed, you grew impatient, and at some point you lost sight of goal of your saving. You may have stopped saving. The thing you were saving for seemed too distant. It was taking too long. Perhaps some other thing caught your eye and became the focus of you attention, something that you could get NOW with the money you all ready had.

You may have taken the plug out of the bottom and took a little of the cash, you may have turned it upside down and slid a butter knife into the slot while shaking the bank to get some coins to drop out. After all, you thought, “I’ll only take a little of the money” and you wanted what you wanted NOW! 

BUT …taking the money put you behind in your savings goal and now the thing you wanted was even farther away. It would take even more time to get it. You’d have to save more money. You’d have to wait longer to get what you wanted. So, in frustration, you gave up on the idea of saving up for something and just took money from the bank and spent it on anything and everything you wanted.

If you can’t identify with this story because you were the type of kid that was determined and not deterred in saving for the special item, good for you! But keep reading any way. If you were the kid that regularly hit up the piggy bank to go to the movies, or buy some candy, or ice cream, keep reading.

Networking is a lot like saving in a piggy bank. Each time you make a contact, and then maintain the contact, and then nurture that contact by building a relationship with that person and then seek opportunities to be of service to that person, “clink”, you have dropped a coin into your “networking piggy bank”. “Clink”, another network relationship established and you’ve grown wealthier in your network of relationships and you are saving for the future.

Most people are poor “savers” when it comes to networking. Some may underestimate the value of networking because they believe that their education or experience should be enough to get them the job. Others don’t understand how to network or they are not comfortable with it so they end up doing it poorly. Some individuals make the mistake that of thinking that networking is meeting as many people as possible, passing out and collecting business cards as possible and hoping for the best.  Or if they do understand networking, they ask for a return on an “investment” they haven’t made yet by asking for a favor too soon in a relationship or they may try and make withdrawals too often for amount they don’t have on deposit. Then run the risk of ruining the relationship if the other person feels used.

A network, especially your network has to be tended.  You must make regular deposits to it. You have to nurture and grow the relationships in your network. Your goal in networking should be to serve, not to be served and when you have served you have “saved”. You goal with your “networking piggy bank” should be to gather up people, build relationships, and to seek to be of help to people.  For each time you do, your “networking piggy bank” and your resources grow.

If you have followed the analogy this far you will see that there are two benefits of a “network savings bank”. First, you need to seek to be of service to others. It moves you beyond yourself and helps you to grow as an individual. Seeking to serve, rather than be served broadens your perspective on life and individuals. You may begin to understand that helping others brings a certain amount of fulfillment to you.  The second reason for making deposits in your “networking piggy bank” is so that you will have what you need when you have to open the bank and use the resources you have saved … when you need others to be of service to you. We all need a little help at one time or another. This is especially true in times of seeking employment and job search since a high percentage of positions are filled through networking … it is all about who you know.

What to learn more about the ins and outs of networking? Contact Emmett at emmett@baxendell.com

 As a child you may have been sent to your room or made to “sit in the corner” to think about what you did to get you is such a sad position, so usually you were in trouble. While in your room, feeling isolated from all human contact and alone with your thoughts you were supposed to think about what you did, feel sorry for your actions and their consequences, apologize for what you did, make amends for what you did if possible, and promise never to do it again. Or at least that’s what you parents wanted you to do. 

As much as we hated being sent to our rooms it was our earliest training on learning the importance of reflection about ourselves and our actions. These early efforts by the authority figures in our lives to get us to reflect actually laid the foundation and served to teach us the value of pausing to consider, ponder, question, think and reflect all in a critical way about our issues, problems, success, failures, and plans … our lives.

Unfortunately, since this learning was not taking place under pleasant circumstances. So if we participated in the process at all we did it grudgingly, but usually we feigned the response that was expected of us to get out of the circumstances we found ourselves in. This was also an early form of enlightened self interest … so that we could get back to our agenda, whatever we were doing before we were interrupted by this unreasonable demand to “think about what you have done”. Those demands placed upon us may be part of the reason so few people take the time to reflect and think about their lives, actions, and careers as adults. We don’t do it because it’s not easy, not fun, and we don’t see the benefit in doing it.

How does this relate to career development? In any part of life, but especially in career development efforts, critical reflection is an essential part of your development plan. After you draw up your plan and have begun the implementation and have worked the plan for a while you need to pause and take some time to reflect on what you are doing. You need to set aside time periodically and examine your plan, your progress in implementing it, and your overall effectiveness in making it work.

The reason for this critical reflection is not only to check on your progress, to see how far you’ve got, but to also to tweak the plan and make any adjustments needed to enhance your development plan. You need to ask yourself questions like “What’s working?”, “What’s not working?”, “What do I need to do more of?”, “What do I need to do less of?”, “Do I have the resources I need to execute my plan?”, “Who do I need to network with to help further my goal?” “What are the implications if I take this action as opposed to that action?”. By asking these and other critically reflective questions you can sharpen your plan and continue to update your execution strategy. By exercising the disciple of critical reflection you can make your plans better and improve your chances for success.

In order to do this type of deep thinking and to be able to critically reflect upon your current state you need to get way from distractions of the day to day and concentrate, to focus on the task. A friend of mine refers to this as “going to the mountain top”. This simply means that you take the time to get away from the noise and distractions of your daily life so that you can concentrate on the task at hand. This may mean that you need to remove yourself physically from other people and distractions for an extended period of time so that you can be alone with your thoughts and think. If actually removing yourself for periods of time is not possible, it may mean that you purposely set aside time on a daily basis to reflect upon and examine your plans and progress, on what you have done and what you need to do. However you do it is not important. That you do it is imperative!

There is a certain discipline that is needed for this. As a child your parents brought pressure to bear in an attempt to force/ coerce/ make you think about what you had done. Now, as an adult, no one has the authority to pressure you or demand that you reflect on what you have done and how you do it. You have to demand it of yourself. And you do it because you realize it is in your own best interest to do so.

The truth about the gnosis of success is this … there is no gnosis of success. What individuals need to be successful, to give them the edge, to help them obtain the goal they seek is not a secret. It can be readily learned if they are willing to apply themselves and look for it. It is everywhere. There is a plethora of books, articles, blogs, coaches, and mentors that can all tell you what you need to know in order to be successful at work or in life. The information is out there, it is readily available. The gnosis of success is not hidden, it is not a secret, the knowledge of what it takes to be successful is available to all who seek it and are willing to apply it.

So the first step is to actively seek out that knowledge. You’ll need to read; you’ll need to talk with others about their experiences; you’ll need to attend presentations, lectures and classes. Then you will need to pause and reflect on what you have been exposed to. You will need to look for the learning and how it applies to your particular situation. All that takes time, it takes effort. It does not happen overnight. Part of the secret of success is Preparation.

The second step to success in any endeavor is to Plan. Failure to thoughtfully plot your next steps is a sure way not to succeed. Your planning should begin with the end in mind. Envision what your success will finally look like. Then ask yourself what steps you must take to achieve that success. Be very specific in thinking about and then listing those steps in writing.  Plan not only the steps that need taken but also identify and plan to obtain the resources you will need to successfully implement your plan.

The third and most important step in your success is Execution, the doing. The truth of the matter, and the reason that many people are not successful in obtaining their goals or making their next move, is that they just do not execute. They are not willing to put, as the old saying goes, “their noses to the grind stone and their shoulders to the wheel.” It is not the knowledge, the technique, the phrase, or even the execution of a single particular task that leads individuals to success; it is just plain old fashion hard work that leads to success. Hard work, combined with excellence in the execution of your plan is what will give you the edge you seek. You see, hard work is needed but it must be quality effort that is put forth, that is what makes people successful in accomplishing their goals or obtaining what they set out for.

Everyone is looking for an edge, the inside track, that little extra knowledge or technique that will put them over the top. The truth is the “gnosis of success” is hard work. Your success will only come about when the desire you have is combined with a plan for action and then carried out with an excellence in its execution.

In my practice as a consultant, trainer, and coach I have often had to address the subject of “Diversity”. It has been my experience that, when asked to consult or train on the topic and even in coaching situations, when people talk about “diversity”– the need to appreciate it; the need to value it—they really have no idea what they are asking for.

What invariably comes up are the issues of Racism, Stereotypes, Ethnocentrism and Political Correctness. In my opinion you cannot handle the topic of “diversity” appropriately unless you are going to take a long hard look at all these issues with an open mind.

In discussing, with my clients, their “needs” around diversity what often times becomes clear is this: they are not interested in “diversity”, true diversity, what they want is “political correctness” If that is what they settle on and I cannot move them off that idea I end the relationship with the client. To put it bluntly I don’t do “politically correct” and neither should you.

 If however, the client is willing to explore the elements of diversity and desires to move towards a better understanding of true diversity, I’m willing to work with them on the subject and assist them in the implementation diversity initiatives in their organizations or, in the case of coaching clients, their lives.

When dealing in the realm of diversity whether in large or small businesses or private coaching session with individuals I try to educate them to define their terms to avoid confusion and so that they can gain an appreciation for the depths of the issues.

Defining the Terms

Diversity is, simply put, being different. In the realm of people it is the recognition or acknowledgment that people are different. There should be no value judgment in the term “diversity”. Different is just different, no better, no worse, just different.

Any other definition of diversity, in my opinion, is over reaching.

Racism is defined as, the belief that people of different races have different qualities, traits and abilities that are inherent to the individuals of that race and that some of these races are inherently superior or inferior because of the qualities, traits and abilities.

Racism as used today almost always implies animosity and/or hatred toward other races.

Stereotype is defined as, an overbroad generalization or portrayal of a group of individuals that is usually based on traits, behaviors, attitudes or other observable actions.

This over generalization is usually due to a lack of information, misinformation, mischaracterization or misunderstanding of one or more of the behaviors or traits attributed to the group to which the individuals belong.

Looks, dress, cultural activities, foods, recreational activities, religion all play a roll in the development of stereotypes.

 Ethnocentrism is defined as, the assumption/belief that my/”our” way of thinking and acting is naturally superior to any other.

When we believe that the actions, traditions, culture, or whatever else our ethnic group or “our group”(whatever that group is) practices is superior to another group, we then see ourselves and our culture as the measure of what is right, good and desirable.

Politically Correct being defined as: conforming to a belief that language and practices which could offend someone’s political sensibilities (as in matters of sex, race, or anything else) should be eliminated. (politically correct. (2009). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.)

With the terms out in the open you can begin to have a frank and honest discussion about the issues that you are facing.

What many people mistake for racism is actually stereotyping or ethnocentrism. I’m not saying true racism doesn’t exist, it does. However, what usually comes in to play is not racism. The tenants of racism are provably false and should be rejected by every human being. When it comes to stereotypes and ethnocentrism the issues are more complicated and require a good deal of honesty and discussion to bring them out and clear the air.

Stereotypes have their basis in observation. The behaviors, attitudes, and actions of a person or group of people are observable. The problem that arises is twofold.

First, the observation is run through the perceptions of the individual making the observation which are often colored by their own ethnocentric beliefs. This leads to the filtering of all that observed information through a culture mindset and practices that may not understand what it is observing and lead to faulty conclusions.

The second problem is with the application. Individuals that stereotype other use a broad brush to apply their understanding of an entire group, class, or ethnic band and thereby cover the whole group. Instead of limiting their conclusions to the sampling of the person/group they observed they apply their conclusions to the entire class of individuals they believe belong to that group.

Those who make use of stereotypical thinking and those who decry the use of stereotypical thinking fail to realize that actions, attitudes, and behaviors are often culturally based. It is not always a rejection of the people of a race or an ethnic group in part or as a whole, it is the culture of that group with its norms, values, beliefs, and behaviors that are being rejected. This is not racism it is ethnocentrism.

When ethnocentric thinking is practiced on a marco scale we will tend to think that all cultures are inferior to our culture (beliefs, values, norms, and behaviors). After all if we didn’t think our culture was the best we wouldn’t practice those things …would we? And if our way is the best all other ways are “inferior”, and if those ways are “inferior” then the people that follow those ways are also “inferior” in some way. So those who would decry ethnocentrism on a macro scale, who consider themselves more enlightened, strive to reach the moral high ground by denouncing it and advocate that diversity demands that we appreciate the “differences” and accept all cultures … but wait.

We all tend to practice ethnocentric thinking on a “micro” scale. We all grew up with certain family traditions around vacations, holiday celebrations, birthday, etc. If the “traditions” were good ones, that is if they were enjoyable to us, we tend to keep them and look at other who don’t practice them or won’t adopt them as “unenlightened” and perhaps even a little culturally “poorer” for it.

No one escapes ethnocentric thinking. On some level everyone believes their “culture” is superior in some way to the cultures of other. Doubt me? Consider this.

• How do you view the “diverse” cultures in Africa that excise the clitoris of young girls, the practice of which is carried out in the name of social, cultural, and religious reasons? Do you really see those cultures that practice female genital mutilation on par with yours?
• Do you really believe the Muslim cultures that demand that women be covered from head to toe in order to avoid the sexual temptation of men and that demands those women play a subservient role to men to be just as good as yours?
• Do you consider those cultures that allow, even encourage or accept honor killings of females that have “disgraced” or “dishonored” the family just as acceptable as yours?
• How about the culture that allows 60 year old men to take multiple wives or 14 year olds as brides, are you accepting of that culture?

Aren’t those cultures just as good as yours? Shouldn’t they have equal footing and protection like yours? Odds are that you don’t and if you do you have real issues you need to address … immediately.

The logical conclusion of those who hold that “in diversity we find our strength” and that “our differences should be valued” often fail to consider the seamier side of what their position on diversity demands. Those proponents of diversity, to be consistent, must accept it all, value it all equally, and encourage it all.

My points are simple:

• We all form stereotypical thoughts and we often laugh at stereotypes because many of them are funny. Comedy routines are regularly based on stereotypes about how certain individuals or groups of individuals act or behave. Black, White, Asian, Indian, male, female, teeny boppers, senior citizens, jock, cheerleaders, frat boys, lawyers, the list goes on and on and all are targets for stereotypical thinking.
• Everyone practices ethnocentrism on some level. We all think we are beliefs, customs, and social mores, are superior to another’s, at least on some level. That does not make you evil. That does not make you a racist.
• The appeal for a type of diversity that “accepts” and “appreciates” all cultures is ill conceived and not practiced even by its most ardent proponents. When it is, it will lead to no values, no sense of right or wrong, with everything accepted for the sake of “diversity”. Pray that day never comes.

It is an individual’s values and beliefs that make up their culture. Culture is an indicator of how people will tend to behave or act. Cultural norms help to give individuals identity, are often deeply held, and are not easily given up. Understanding these things can help both individuals and businesses to function effectively in a “multicultural” environment.

What to learn more about true diversity contact Emmett@nextmovecoaching.com

The Balanced Life

Work-Life Balance is a hot topic in today’s hectic workplace. Is there such a thing as work-life balance? I don’t particularly like the term. I find that using the term “work-life balance” tends to lead to a dichotomy in the minds of people, as if work and life are two diametrically opposite concepts. They are not. There is not work distinctly set apart from life, or more precisely, the rest of your life there is only Life with work as one aspect of it that must be kept in balance with all the other aspects or parts of your life.

While I may be a proponent of the idea of work-life balance as it is traditionally expounded, I do however strongly believe and coach “Life Balance”. As the term indicates, my contention is that we need to think in terms of life in its totality, life as a whole, the sum of all that parts that make it up. Work is part of life and does not stand alone outside of it, or worse in opposition to it. As part of this view I contend that our lives, while being made up of many roles or parts, should not be and cannot be compartmentalized in to separate little boxes or individual domains.

Your life consists of many parts or many roles most of which you perform at the same time. You are a parent, spouse, child, employee, employer, a sibling, a community leader, church leader, a volunteer, co-worker, and on and on the roles go. They all add up to your life. To be happy, to find contentment, you need to find the balance between all those roles in your life and not just “work” and the rest of your life.

In a society and culture that tells us we can “have it all” trying to balance the demands of work, family, and all your other commitments is a real challenge. The more roles we play in our lives the more hectic they become. The more we take on because we can’t say “no” … for whatever reason … the greater the possibility that our life will come off its axis and spin out of control. The truth of the matter is that very few of us, if any, can “have it all”. Each of us has our limitations. Whether we care to admit it or not we cannot do everything and be everything to everyone. The first step towards achieving a balanced life is to face or own limitations.

The balance you will find and the contentment that balance brings will be determined by how your values and how you relate those values to each part or role that you play in your life. The more value you place on a certain aspect of your life the more time you will tend to spend on that aspect.  There is one simple rule that governs this: We tend to spend our time indirect proportion to the value we place on that aspect of our life. More simply put, you will spend the majority of your time on the things that are most important to you. There is no escaping this. There are no “ifs”, no “ands”, or “buts”. You have heard the old saying that “actions speak louder than words”. It is especially true in this area. Our actions will always either align with or betray our words and indicate what is important to us.
The roles we play in our lives do not consist of equal parts. The circumstances of our lives do not allow for us to give equal weight and balance to each of those roles, nor should we. Our priorities change, circumstances change, at different points in our lives the different parts of it will take on greater or lesser importance. Recognize that fact, Acknowledge that it is true for you, and then use it to adjust your thinking and build toward balance.

I have two illustrations to help you with this.
The first, cooking, will illustrate how we use proportionality to achieve the desired results. When you gather the ingredients for a recipe or dish you wish to prepare you don’t use equal amounts of all the ingredients do you? You use more or less depending on the recipe or adjust for your personal taste or preferences or for a number of other factors. A pinch of this, a dash of that, cups full of something else. A little more of one, a little less of another all blended to your liking. You use each ingredient in proportion to the desired outcome. You are free to adjust the ingredients to your own taste or liking but add too much of one or not enough of another and you run the risk of overpowering the other ingredients and ruining the dish. However, when all the ingredients are proportionately and skillfully blended together and allowed to cook you come up with a dish that is tasty and a good blend of all the ingredients that you used. When done properly the dish is in balance, no one ingredient is overpowering the whole dish.

The second illustration an exercise you can do alone or with the help of a coach, is more visual and uses a common business illustration, the pie chart. In this exercise you construct a pie chart of your life of a “Life Chart”. To begin to develop your Life Chart first, list all the roles you play or aspects that make up your life. Make it as long as you need to. Break it down anyway you want, after all, it your life. Next either draw or visualize a large circle on a piece of paper. Start to dissect that circle as you would a pie. Slice it up in as many pieces as you need to and assign each of those roles you listed into their own slice. Next, think, reflect on how much time you spend on each of those areas or roles and assign a percentage that reflects the total amount of time that you spend on them but remember, 100% is the limit. Now, go back and number each slice starting at 1 for the highest priority and continue in descending order of priority until all the slices numbered. When you are finished, if you have been honest with yourself and assessed things properly, you will have a visual image of how balanced your life is.

A balanced life is the thing that many dream of, long for, and strive to achieve. The good news is that it can be achieved and maintained if nurtured. The balanced life can also be restored if it becomes unbalanced if you are willing to work at it though self examination, prioritization, and implementation.

Need help achieving that balance? Contact Emmett at Emmett@Baxendell.com.