The Balanced Life
Work-Life Balance is a hot topic in today’s hectic workplace. Is there such a thing as work-life balance? I don’t particularly like the term. I find that using the term “work-life balance” tends to lead to a dichotomy in the minds of people, as if work and life are two diametrically opposite concepts. They are not. There is not work distinctly set apart from life, or more precisely, the rest of your life there is only Life with work as one aspect of it that must be kept in balance with all the other aspects or parts of your life.
While I may be a proponent of the idea of work-life balance as it is traditionally expounded, I do however strongly believe and coach “Life Balance”. As the term indicates, my contention is that we need to think in terms of life in its totality, life as a whole, the sum of all that parts that make it up. Work is part of life and does not stand alone outside of it, or worse in opposition to it. As part of this view I contend that our lives, while being made up of many roles or parts, should not be and cannot be compartmentalized in to separate little boxes or individual domains.
Your life consists of many parts or many roles most of which you perform at the same time. You are a parent, spouse, child, employee, employer, a sibling, a community leader, church leader, a volunteer, co-worker, and on and on the roles go. They all add up to your life. To be happy, to find contentment, you need to find the balance between all those roles in your life and not just “work” and the rest of your life.
In a society and culture that tells us we can “have it all” trying to balance the demands of work, family, and all your other commitments is a real challenge. The more roles we play in our lives the more hectic they become. The more we take on because we can’t say “no” … for whatever reason … the greater the possibility that our life will come off its axis and spin out of control. The truth of the matter is that very few of us, if any, can “have it all”. Each of us has our limitations. Whether we care to admit it or not we cannot do everything and be everything to everyone. The first step towards achieving a balanced life is to face or own limitations.
The balance you will find and the contentment that balance brings will be determined by how your values and how you relate those values to each part or role that you play in your life. The more value you place on a certain aspect of your life the more time you will tend to spend on that aspect. There is one simple rule that governs this: We tend to spend our time indirect proportion to the value we place on that aspect of our life. More simply put, you will spend the majority of your time on the things that are most important to you. There is no escaping this. There are no “ifs”, no “ands”, or “buts”. You have heard the old saying that “actions speak louder than words”. It is especially true in this area. Our actions will always either align with or betray our words and indicate what is important to us.
The roles we play in our lives do not consist of equal parts. The circumstances of our lives do not allow for us to give equal weight and balance to each of those roles, nor should we. Our priorities change, circumstances change, at different points in our lives the different parts of it will take on greater or lesser importance. Recognize that fact, Acknowledge that it is true for you, and then use it to adjust your thinking and build toward balance.
I have two illustrations to help you with this.
The first, cooking, will illustrate how we use proportionality to achieve the desired results. When you gather the ingredients for a recipe or dish you wish to prepare you don’t use equal amounts of all the ingredients do you? You use more or less depending on the recipe or adjust for your personal taste or preferences or for a number of other factors. A pinch of this, a dash of that, cups full of something else. A little more of one, a little less of another all blended to your liking. You use each ingredient in proportion to the desired outcome. You are free to adjust the ingredients to your own taste or liking but add too much of one or not enough of another and you run the risk of overpowering the other ingredients and ruining the dish. However, when all the ingredients are proportionately and skillfully blended together and allowed to cook you come up with a dish that is tasty and a good blend of all the ingredients that you used. When done properly the dish is in balance, no one ingredient is overpowering the whole dish.
The second illustration an exercise you can do alone or with the help of a coach, is more visual and uses a common business illustration, the pie chart. In this exercise you construct a pie chart of your life of a “Life Chart”. To begin to develop your Life Chart first, list all the roles you play or aspects that make up your life. Make it as long as you need to. Break it down anyway you want, after all, it your life. Next either draw or visualize a large circle on a piece of paper. Start to dissect that circle as you would a pie. Slice it up in as many pieces as you need to and assign each of those roles you listed into their own slice. Next, think, reflect on how much time you spend on each of those areas or roles and assign a percentage that reflects the total amount of time that you spend on them but remember, 100% is the limit. Now, go back and number each slice starting at 1 for the highest priority and continue in descending order of priority until all the slices numbered. When you are finished, if you have been honest with yourself and assessed things properly, you will have a visual image of how balanced your life is.
A balanced life is the thing that many dream of, long for, and strive to achieve. The good news is that it can be achieved and maintained if nurtured. The balanced life can also be restored if it becomes unbalanced if you are willing to work at it though self examination, prioritization, and implementation.
Need help achieving that balance? Contact Emmett at Emmett@Baxendell.com.